Before we begin the conclusion. Before we reach the conclusion.
There's another story that needs to be disclosed.
One story remains.
You readers surely haven't forgotten about it.
I'll admit, I wish you had forgotten all about it,
and even more than that, I wish I'd forgetten about it myself.
KEEPING THAT UNDISCLOSED, SECRETLY AND SORROWFULLY, PRETENDING IT NEVER HAPPENED, I WOULD'VE LIKED TO END THE STORY ABOUT ME
You surely won't get off that easily, Araragi-senpai.
Please don't be so thoughtless as to try and hide something while you're in front of me.
I'm the nemesis of lies and screw-ups.
I'm a predator of procrastination and postponement.
You're aware of the ending of Deishu Kaiki, the distinguished con artist, correct?
If you don't want to end up like that, please tell your story.
What you've obstinately hidden at all costs until now... the story of that one time.
Seeing such behavior,
it seems as if she already knows all about those past incidents,
but even if I about her about it, I'm sure she'll feign ignorance.
I don't know anything. It's what you know, Araragi-senpai.
Exactly.
I know. I know extremely well.
Because I know, I wanted to hide it.
REFERENCE BOOK
But since I know, I must tell the tale.
"It's going to be a long story," I say.
I don't mind at all.
It happened over two months before Ougi Oshino transferred to our school.
After summer break was over, and right after second term started.
My pairing with the vampire was severed, and for the first time in six months
Koyomi Araragi had experienced being almost fully mortal and "human."
He hadn't gone to school or gone home,
and in a classroom in the cram school ruins
that were the abode of the specialist Meme Oshino for the last six months,
he was lurking as if to kill time.
TONIGHT, 9:00 O'CLOCK SECOND FLOOR, ALONE COME TO THE CLASSROOM THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO ASK YOU
That is where the story begins. That is where the story ends.
And "his life"...
"His life" that had continued... Finally ends.
OWARIMONOGATARI
SHINOBU MAIL, PART ONE
Araragi-senpai, it's been a while (o-hisa)!
IT'S A KNEE (O-HIZA)!
Having screamed, I wish it sounded more stylish.
It was too unfashionable to scream like a frog that was just run over by a car.
Well, having eaten a knee from an underclassman right as we meet,
I shouldn't be hoping to look stylish or anything.
Oh, nothing less from our top-class Araragi-senpai.
To make a correlation between a kneecap (hiza-gashira) and "right as we meet" (deai-gashira)...
You've really taken a point off of me.
Of course, Araragi-senpai, if I can trouble you to say so,
I prefer to call the kneecaps my "knee-boys" (hiza-kozou).
When I think about having two gorgeous boys living on my knees,
I can feel the slightest bit of happiness.
Don't use the word "happiness" like that.
And why does it have to be limited to gorgeous boys?
My image of them is more like festival pages than gorgeous boys.
When you think about how everyone has festival pages living on their knees,
doesn't the world look the slightest bit more fruitful?
Don't use the word "fruitful" like that either.
There are no festival pages on my knees.
More like, the biggest joke here is that you kneed an upperclassman,
and you've yet to say even one word of apology.
Apology?
What are you talking about?
I, Suruga Kanbaru, am a faithful underclassman,
and am basically a part of your body by now, Araragi-senpai.
Just because your knee landed on your cheek, you wouldn't apologize to yourself.
Very articulate, but what horrible logic!
Honestly, Araragi-senpai, your recovery speed is so high,
there's a part of me that thinks I don't really need to apologize for a close call of that sort.
Don't think that everything will be forgiven if you speak honestly!
Hold on, my teeth are shattered now.
What's wrong, Araragi-senpai?
Why are you staring at my curves like that all of a sudden?
I'm not staring at your curves.
If you're not staring at my curves, what part of me are you looking at?
My curves are about the only thing worth looking at on my body.
Don't give me that mysterious humbleness. You're the star of Naoetsu High.
Even if you don't stare, you've nothing to worry about, Araragi-senpai.
Worry? What about you would make me worried?
There you go acting dumb again.
You really care for others, Araragi-senpai.
But you can have a bit more faith in your underclassman.
It's fine. I've made sure to remove my bra.
BRA
I'm seriously worried about you!
NO BRA
PERVERTED GIRL
Of course, this jersey material is very thick, so you may not be able to tell just by looking.
But I, Suruga Kanbaru, would never lie to you, Araragi-senpai.
If we're only talking about the top half of my body, I'm wearing these jerseys on bare skin.
What about the bottom half? I feel uneasy...
But to call me out at a time like this, to a place like this...
That's what it means, right?
That's what it means? What do you mean?
Araragi-senpai, you've finally made up your mind to take my virginity...
That's what this means, right?
Of course not!
TONIGHT, 9:00 O'CLOCK SECOND FLOOR, ALONE COME TO THE CLASSROOM THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO ASK YOU
But, even then, Araragi-senpai,
you called a girl - a female - at night, all alone, to a desolate location with a suggestive text.
At that point, you can't help but have it be interpreted this way, right?
ALONE COME
Besides, Araragi-senpai,
I was overeager and went to a classroom on the third floor instead of the second.
There was a bed made of desks prepared there, you know?
Wasn't that something you prepared, Araragi-senpai?
I really don't recall anything like that...
A bed?
Oh, again, you're playing dumb.
You say "again," but I'm not the type of character to play dumb.
Let's call it a fait accompli marriage, and under those circumstances,
it should be all right for you to take my virginity, Araragi-senpai.
I'm telling you, of course not.
WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A FAIT ACCOMPLI MARRIAGE?
IT'S MORE LIKE SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED
RETURNING TO OUR SUBJECT
Well... So, the reason why I called you here...
TONIGHT, 9:00 O'CLOCK SECOND FLOOR, ALONE COME TO THE CLASSROOM THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO ASK YOU
You said you had something you wanted to ask me?
Yeah, that's right.
I thought this something you wanted to ask was a question regarding my virginity.
But I guess I jumped to that conclusion.
It's not about jumping to that conclusion, it's about coming to that conclusion altogether.
There will never be a time that I'd ask you such a question.
My questions is...
Namely, I'd like you to assist me with something, so will you help out or not?
To be honest, I personally want you to decline this offer.
There's no way I'd decline!
I, Suruga Kanbaru, would never be in a situation
where I don't respond to a call from you, Araragi-senpai!
Even if the heavens and the earth flipped!
Yeah, well... It's not exactly my request.
I'm just a mediator.
And I don't even know the details of what I'm asking you to help with...
You don't know?
Yeah. I don't know any of it.
IT WAS PROBABLY INTENTIONALLY NOT DISCLOSED TO ME.
So, if you were to decline right now,
that would end this story right here, and I'd prefer that.
Of course, if you're persistent in saying you're going to help out,
I'll do everything in my power to make sure no danger befalls you.
My safety is something you don't have to worry about, Araragi-senpai.
If you still say that you're worried about me, just worry about a small portion of my body.
In other words, you only need to worry about my boobs.
That's not needed!
If that was what you wanted to ask me, Araragi-senpai...
The fact that I rushed to these cram school ruins, regardless of the risk... isn't that already the answer?
Yeah... Well, you have a point.
I can't help but feel I want to be of service to you, Araragi-senpai.
I had a book I wanted to read tonight, too.
But I came all the way here just for you, Araragi-senpai, you know?
A book you wanted to read? An upperclassman is fighting a book for priority?
Then Kanbaru, what were you planning on reading tonight?
I was going to read the great Shugoro Yamamoto, of course.
Which piece by Shugoro Yamamoto are you reading, by the way?
If you're reading it, I'd like to read it, too.
If so, there are a lot of BL novels I'd recommend to you, too.
Start me off with some Shugoro Yamamoto, please.
Well then... There's one called "Pretty Girl First to Arrive (Bishoujo Ichibannori)."
Lies!
The great Shugoro Yamamoto would never write a book with a title like that!
No, but it actually exists, so there's nothing you can do...
Though, actually, it's out of stock and the next printing date is unknown.
RETURNING TO OUR SUBJECT
Now, Kanbaru, what I wanted to ask you...
Then, sorry to rush you, but can you come with me for a sec?
What, you didn't have something particular to do at this location?
Yeah. This is nothing more than a place I picked to meet up with you.
Then you could have just said let's meet up at my place or something.
Wait, why did I specify this cram school ruins as the rendezvous point?
If I recall...
Well, that doesn't matter. I won't ask about the circumstances.
I'll go wherever. It's fine, I've already written my will.
Don't do scary stuff like that!
Well, you don't have to brace yourself that much.
Kanbaru, where we're heading now is also merely a rendezvous point.
I guess you could call it a meeting place... Because there's someone I'd like you to meet.
My oh my, you really are a troublesome person.
Who did you decide to show off to, and how did you do it?
Your grades? Your personal relationships? How popular you are with girls?
That's not it. I'm not trying to back up something I said.
I want you to meet someone.
I was asked by someone to introduce you, so...
Oh, well. If it's something you say, Araragi-senpai, there's no mistake about it.
If possible, I'd like you to cut your trust in me by like half...
But, it's all right.
At the least, it won't be a boy or a girl confessing their love to you.
It's not an introduction or mediation of that sort.
I wouldn't mind if it was that sort either, you know?
I'd flat out reject them.
Of course, it'd be different if the punch line was like, "the one I wanted to introduce to you... Is me!"
Don't take every chance to try dating me. Just how sexually aggressive are you?
No, I'm not trying to date you. All I want is a physical relationship.
Since I'm sexually aggressive, I'd like to make the preying one-sided.
I get shivers up my spine.
I don't believe in mental connections at all.
What happened to make you like this?
More like, what are you thinking about as you live your life?
If it looks like I'm thinking about something, you probably should take me to the hospital.
And returning to our subject...
RETURNING TO OUR SUBJECT
Okeydokey, Araragi-senpai, I understand the details.
Then, let us be on our way.
To some place that I don't know of, to meet someone who I don't know!
You really are amazing...
Departing!
DEPARTING.
What, a guest? You can come in!
This isn't that someone you know has come here, Araragi-senpai?
It's not that you asked someone other than me to come here or something?
No, the only one I called over was you—
K-Kanbaru...
Araragi-senpai, stay down!
EMPTY
Araragi-senpai, this is more like a "shell" than something "empty"...
SHELL
I didn't feel any resistance. I thought I missed...
What in the world was that? Was that one of your friends, Araragi-senpai?
I don't have any friends clad in armor.
Then, what kind of friends do you have?
Wait... My oh my...
What's wrong, Kanbaru?
Well, I thought this was a full suit of armor. But upon close inspection, it's lacking...
Lacking?
Yeah. See, there are five or six suits of armor at my house...
But compared to those, that armor-clad samurai is lacking something crucial.
But as far as I can see, there don't seem to be any parts missing...
Oh, I know, Kanbaru.
If you're familiar with armor, can you try reassembling it?
You want me to?
I mean, I don't know how to put a suit of armor together.
Then, I'll give you instructions, so how about you put it together?
You really don't hesitate to use your upperclassmen as tools, do you?
Though, it's fine.
I'll show you that I'm not merely a man who lies on his stomach because he's told to.
I'll show you that I can lie on my back, not just on my stomach.
An upperclassman I respect lying on his back is definitely something I don't want to see...
But, why is there a need to reassemble it?
I mean, if we reassemble it, there's the chance it might start moving again...
What is lacking from this suit of armor.
That is...
Stand back, Araragi-senpai!
FIST PUNCH TOUCH BODY HIT ABDOMEN PUSH LEFT STRIKE HAND PATCH POWER ENERGY DRAIN TOUCH LEFT MONKEY RAIN PAIN
PUNCH JAW FIST ENERGY DRAIN HIT TOUCH MONKEY NECK FLY THROAT HIT PAIN
Kanbaru?
S-Stay away!
No, but this thing, somehow...
...looks like he's getting tougher and tougher?
A-Araragi-senpai...
Run!
THAT WAS THE ONE ORDER I COULD NOT OBEY.
An armor-clad samurai that was getting tougher and tougher,
and in contrast, Kanbaru was getting weaker and weaker.
I hadn't noticed that.
She first landed a blow to the body.
Then, another blow...
And around when she punched its throat, she was already down on one knee.
I was wondering why she was down on her knee at that point...
But seeing how she collapsed after she tackled and grabbed onto it, I was convinced.
An energy drain.
ENERGY DRAIN
Why?
Why does an old-fashioned, out of place, armor-clad samurai
use an energy drain as if it was a vampire?
What in the world is this guy?
W-Wha—
W-What are you? What do you mean by this?
What do you have against us?
Why are you doing such a thing?
DON'T COME OVER HERE.
IF YOU CAN MOVE, HURRY UP AND MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
RUN FOR IT.
I WON'T RUN AWAY.
I'LL GO BEHIND
AND POKE ITS KNEES FROM BEHIND
SO TAKE THAT CHANCE
AND YOU SHOULD MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
Why are you so stupid, even in eye contact?
Hanekawa-senpai.
It seems my time to retreat is now...
Looks like an something far from mediocre is interfering.
Did someone step on a tiger's tail?
As I am now, I can't quite deal with all of it!
It seems my timing for this was off.
It seems my master is not here, either... So I shall come by another time!
You shouldn't make any detours and go straight home as well!
That armor-clad samurai, by firmly grabbing my neck, sucked away my voice.
An energy drain.
Just like how he recreated Kanbaru's tackle,
he now recreated my voice.
Once you're reunited with Kiss-shot, tell this to her!
Once I have recovered a bit more,
I'll come see her to regain my cherished demon sword "Kokoro Watari"!
After all, without a blade, an armor-clad samurai feels incomplete!
In the end, it's been 400 years since I lent it to her.
Tell her that she should prepare herself for the late fees!
Araragi-senpai, what was that? That armor-clad samurai...
I thought it was strange that a suit of armor wasn't wielding a blade.
But he mentioned the demon sword "Kokoro Watari," which was... And he also said Kiss-shot...
For now, we'll deal with that later...
Kanbaru... You must be able to reach the ceiling somehow with one or two steps,
even without a running start?
You can jump up, can't you?
And, from the third floor, use the elevator shafts to get to the first floor...
That's overestimating your underclassman way too much, Araragi-senpai.
My legs aren't that strong.
Even I don't have enough jumping strength to grab onto an older boy and jump up to the ceiling.
I see...
Araragi-senpai...
What is it, Kanbaru?
Will you be my first?
Don't brace yourself like that!
I don't want to die a virgin.
Don't be coming out to me!
YOU ALWAYS SAY STUFF LIKE THAT.
THAT'S WHY THE STORY WHERE YOU WERE THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS GLOSSED OVER.
Oh, well. This isn't a bad way to die either.
If I can die together with Araragi-senpai, I couldn't wish for more.
No, I'm sorry Kanbaru, but I can't think of you that dearly.
That hurts my feelings.
The partner I'd want to die together with... There's only one.
The one and only existence is that blonde apparition.
She's currently not here.
That's why... We must survive and escape from this flaming building.
I have no choice... Guess I have to brace myself for this.
You mean brace yourself to be my first?
I can't brace myself to make such a monumental decision.
We have to take our chances and jump from the window.
That should be better than burning to death right here.
You're right. I was thinking that was the only thing left for us as well.
YOU'RE LYING.
YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
DON'T MAKE A MISTAKE, ARARAGI-SENPAI. YOU START FROM THE RIGHT FOOT.
BUT SINCE I'M LEFT-HANDED, SOMETIMES I MAKE A MISTAKE BETWEEN RIGHT AND LEFT.
They call something like this "extinguishing a fire with dynamite."
Don't think you can die in a place like this.
Yours truly is the one that will kill you, devilish Big Brother.